Everyone in midtown looks like my dad

I would wonder whether I knew 
it was the last time
when I caught myself in the same turnstile 
avoiding my mind’s eye 

asking how my world could remain unchanged 
now knowing comes in waves
and on every street corner 
I’m seeking your frame

trains hiss through tunnel veins 
and my thoughts fall heavy like the rain

how could our world continue when it’s wrong
you said no love is troublesome 
 that life can be careful but not cumbersome
	and pain is never too long
	
from fall to summer
from spring to midwinter
	as the cloud lifts from my mind
my peace is the footbridge on this river 

my curse is that I will always be the forgiver	
but to you
across that fog I’m delivered
slithering on another planet’s beach
find myself reaching out and 
walking in my sleep

but on earth I twist my hair
lower my gaze and 
hop the train fare
I know this is the one poem I could never share 

because I'm just nodding off in the doctor’s chair
thinking things I don’t really mean
murmuring that my body is a dirty machine 
but when I'm with you 

I'm clean