today i feel like

one of those magnets where you have to choose your emotion, but it's all of them

Apr 10, 2023

"i'm going back to Minnesota where sadness makes sense" by Danez Smith

o California, don’t you know the sun is only a god
if you learn to starve for her? i’m over the ocean

i stood at its lip, dressed in down, praying for snow.
i know, i’m strange, too much light makes me nervous

at least in this land where the trees always bear green.
i know something that doesn’t die can’t be beautiful.

have you ever stood on a frozen lake, California?
the sun above you, the snow & stalled sea—a field of mirror

all demanding to be the sun, everything around you
is light & it’s gorgeous & if you stay too long it will kill you.

it’s so sad, you know? you’re the only warm thing for miles
the only thing that can’t shine.

affirmation

when the world feels big i will open myself bigger. when the world makes me
feel small i will make me larger inside. when the inside feels too large i can touch the skin that bears my heart. when my heart feels the world’s small i will stop and i can restart.